I am numb, and it is not comfortably!
For today, right here, right now, my kids seem like they are OK. They are playing and laughing and very happy about the fact that their dad will be picking them up at my moms after work and bringing them home every day. (or at least I get that impression) I am numb and I cannot breathe my heart aches and I am a mess. How pathetic and weak I am. Where, what, when, why and how??? These are the many questions that plague me. I am searching for answers. maybe answers I don't want to hear. I cannot deal with this , I cannot deal with anything. Everything is too hard . Breathing, moving, talking, and answering the question "are you ok?" I don't look ok, I dont feel ok, The part of me I adored is gone. The person he made me is fading into the night with every tear that falls . Who am I without him, a mother broken, a daughter broken, a sister broken, broken.One day at a time sucks , each day is worse than the one before with one exception. Each day I lose a piece of my soul that I feel I will never retrieve. what really happens when someone loses thier soulmate, does thier soul cease to exist, does it shrivel up and die. I'll tell you what happens it crawls in a grave and buries itself so deeply that with each passing day it becomes harder and harder to retrieve it. My salvation is gone, my heart is gone, I am sucking it up and putting on a brave face for my boys cuz they will never accept the ramifications of my broken heart. I really did believe him when he said forever and a day. I based my whole life on this belief.